Stories I Only Tell My Friends

I feel you swallow my soul with your stare
And when your fingers of aspen trees slip over my face like time from my grip, 
I smile with everything i've got

but then my mind swells into flitting grey puffs
flashing and burning, I reach for you, for your lightning  
i sit down in the darkness and feel for you
i'm afraid
i wait for days
but I still can't find you

Then I see you
Your hair is wet
And your face is tye-dyed with strangeness

And it's not the same

I feel lost

Your indigo grass of today somehow grows on the ground of yesterday
I realize I must go back the way I came

I set you down and thank you, thanking you with all of my heart 

and I am thankful 

that that's the gift-wrapped end-feeling you receive from me 

Too Young to Burn

I'm high and I feel like tonight, well especially tonight, but overall happening over the course of a few weeks or maybe my whole lifetime, everyone is an illuminated, cartoonized statue. And statues don't move, so the people around me don't move, however, because I slowly orbit around their immobile, stoic bearings, it still seems like they can move. Andthis is where the cartoon part comes in ->>>Because cartoons are just a series of pictures manipulated by an artist to become a story, to become a character, to become something meaningful enough for it to seem real. 

That's how I was looking at people tonight. 

^That's what I wrote the other night around 4ishh o'clock in the morning. I wasn't going to publish it because it seemed to be just mary-jane jabber, but a good friend encouraged me to still do it. And so I publish the jabber, but with an attached note. 

I've always claimed that I know what people think of me, but I couldn't ever actually change myself just to change their minds. That still rings true. But lately, I've been realizing how much different of a person I am. And I know, I know, everyone thinks of themselves as "weird," and you know what? We all are weird. Really, ridiculously weird. But I'm talking different in the sense that I function differently than most people. I love people. I constantly need people, but I also like to be alone. I like to do my own thang. I don't like it when people own a piece of me, and so I fear commitment in any sense. Chances are, if you've met me, you would understand the meaning behind the term "KatieLand." (^TM) The people who choose to include me in their life (although sometimes it's not a choice) often drop-kick this saying whenever I'm supposed to be somewhere and I'm not. And that happens a lot. But people often mistag this tendency as "immature," "irresponsible," and (my favorite) "selfish." Believe me, 97% of the time, it's not because of those favorable traits. I'm simply not there because I'm not there. (God that sounds dumb). But it's what I believe to be true, childish, or not.

And how can we ask anyone to stray from what they know is true? 

And I know it well....

In what cases is the cause the best cure?