I Earned This Dirt

-bits from the work
"She always apologized for things she did, yet all of them were fully aware there wasn't the slightest measure of sincerity strolling her words. But for some reason, it made them like her even more."

I'm stuck. Not post-grad stagnation stuck, more like senior year quarterlife crisis peanut butter on the roof of your dog's mouth and they can't bark stuck. Yeah. And you can't call TripleA, but maybe you should be calling AA. Jokes.

I wonder when I'm actually going to feel like an adult. It would be SO much easier if I did a fast swirling motion thing and my outfit changed like on the Sims and BAM! Adult version (accompanied with green diamond, of course). But life, not that simple. Sometimes when I make an "adult" purchase i.e. a plane ticket or something from Crate and Barrel, I want to hold up the receipt to show my Sim maker and say, "Hey! Doesn't this prove..........something? Obviously I'm an adult, right?" (*I would not recommend doing this in public). Alas, there is no set moment "you know."

Throughout my twenty-two years of overworked, swollen heartbeats, the one thing I always go back to is the "when you know junctures." Those Hollywood encrusted instances spotlighted to cast a Bar Mitzvah sized spell on your "coming of age timeline." (Sans jew fro.) I always find myself in those imperfect doorway height markings unable to comprehend, and connect. Almost all of my firsts, I'm wordlessly floating on top of my off-white thought bubble, wondering what I should be really feeling, completely decapitated from the moment. Then, WAY after the fact, I over-analyze it til my thought bubble turns blue, pops, and I have no choice but to turn my upper story off.

And as usual, this post proves........nothing.